The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Helped Us as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who often hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - going on a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."